[ Ben had been afraid for Vanya many times. Their father had threatened, once or twice, that if he didn't perform better in his training, that he would bring Vanya in, make her useful finally as a tool to motivate him to learn better control. And there had been other times. Times she had been too close to a mission, or someone had tried to break into the mansion. Later, too, after he was dead, he worried seeing her so depressed, so small. Klaus and Vanya; of all the siblings, they were the two that Ben had worried might really try to kill themselves someday. Lonely as he was, as a ghost, he didn't want that kind of company.
But then, while he is holding her hands, breathing in an even rhythm for her to match, Ben is terrified of Vanya. The rustle of the leaves is frantic and the branches toss this way and that in the wind - the wind that she is making. And it's all so fresh in his mind. Their home crumbling. The theatre, the way the music had leeched all the color out of her. The moon, cracked in two.
Her eyes are closed, though, and even if they weren't, Ben is good at hiding his fear. He swallows it down and stays where he is, tense and numb-fingered but stubborn. He is not going to abandon Vanya. He is not going to repeat Luther's mistakes and let his fear dictate his actions.
And slowly, slowly, the strange whirlwind surrounding them fades. By the time it has settled completely, Ben is feeling calmer, too, though his heart is racing still. ]
I love you, Vanya.
[ He says it without hesitation, or reserve. They are words he had been wishing he could say to her for many years. The fear he had just felt does nothing to diminish the love, either. She is his sister. That means something, to Ben. Always has. ]
I'm not going anywhere. I promise.
[ For a few moments he sits by her in silence, waiting for the his heartbeat to settle, giving Vanya the time she needs to settle her thoughts and adjust to this new reality: Ben, alive. Ben, here with her, having her back. Then, when he thinks it has been silent just about long enough, he says: ]
What do you think of the new me?
[ He gives a tiny gesture to his face, the one she hadn't recognized. Trying to lighten the mood, ever so slightly. Trying to show her, also, that all this is real, he is really alive, really has a body, really is here. ]
At least I didn't make my comeback looking like a tween the way Five did. I am not gonna miss the acne.
[ So Ben tries, in his gentle way, to coax a little laugh or smile from his sister. It had worked so often with Klaus, when things were bleak. Just try to give him one little thing that could hit his funny bone. Humor could get you through a lot of dark shit. ]
[When he says that he loves her, when Ben says that he loves her and he's not going to leave, she nearly starts sobbing again, but she catches herself with a tiny gasp and shuts her eyes tight. No tears. Don't make him regret it. He wants to stay with her, but she could make him change his mind that at this rate.
Vanya doesn't like that she has to wait those thoughts out now that she doesn't have her meds.
But the wind doesn't start again, and she doesn't... explode or whatever it is she does. Everything is fine. She wipes at her face to try to clean it up a little, because she doesn't want to be a mess the entire time she's reuniting with her dead brother. Eventually, she pulls one foot up to rest on the bench in front of her and leans her head against her knee. The benefits of being tiny.
When Ben talks again, she rolls her head over to the side and looks up at him. And... she can't help it, she laughs.]
God, poor Five. He's gonna start getting sweaty and hairy in front of our eyes.
[She feels bad about it, but that actually does make her laugh some more.]
So do ghosts... age? I mean, how does it all work? —You don't have to answer that. Sorry.
[ It lifts his spirits, no matter how tiny the laugh. It's good to see even a fleeting smile on Vanya's face again. She deserves it.
He remembers what Five had said before they all made their desperate leap to the past. They were going to do it better, this time. They weren't going to let Vanya down the way they had before. Ben knows they're in another dimension and outside of time and goodness knows if anything here matters or what all of it means, but he's going to start trying now. And that means talking to Vanya a little more like how he talks to Klaus, lately. Less wary, less boundaries, less distance.
So when Vanya jokes lightly at their brother's expense, Ben dissolves into giggles, his eyes bright and delighted. He joins in the game, leaning in, voice becoming a conspiratorial whisper: ]
Think about it - none of us got to see him going through puberty before. Could be a reaaallll horrorshow. I mean can you imagine his voice cracking while he talked? I bet he would flip a table, or like, jump out of the room immediately!
[ Five had always been proud, their whole lives. That wasn't something that the apocalypse had changed about him. And it feels good, to joke about it like this. It reminds Ben, for just an instant, of how the three of them had been before Five vanished. Not friends, exactly, but... closer. Closer to each other than any of them they were with Luther or Allison or Diego, and Klaus was just... an unpredictable outlier.
Her question about aging isn't unexpected, but all Ben can do is answer with a shrug. ]
I... don't think most of them do, but I did. I don't know why. Or how I'm alive now. I can... tell you what it was like, being a ghost, if you want, but I don't know any of the hows, or the whys.
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But then, while he is holding her hands, breathing in an even rhythm for her to match, Ben is terrified of Vanya. The rustle of the leaves is frantic and the branches toss this way and that in the wind - the wind that she is making. And it's all so fresh in his mind. Their home crumbling. The theatre, the way the music had leeched all the color out of her. The moon, cracked in two.
Her eyes are closed, though, and even if they weren't, Ben is good at hiding his fear. He swallows it down and stays where he is, tense and numb-fingered but stubborn. He is not going to abandon Vanya. He is not going to repeat Luther's mistakes and let his fear dictate his actions.
And slowly, slowly, the strange whirlwind surrounding them fades. By the time it has settled completely, Ben is feeling calmer, too, though his heart is racing still. ]
I love you, Vanya.
[ He says it without hesitation, or reserve. They are words he had been wishing he could say to her for many years. The fear he had just felt does nothing to diminish the love, either. She is his sister. That means something, to Ben. Always has. ]
I'm not going anywhere. I promise.
[ For a few moments he sits by her in silence, waiting for the his heartbeat to settle, giving Vanya the time she needs to settle her thoughts and adjust to this new reality: Ben, alive. Ben, here with her, having her back. Then, when he thinks it has been silent just about long enough, he says: ]
What do you think of the new me?
[ He gives a tiny gesture to his face, the one she hadn't recognized. Trying to lighten the mood, ever so slightly. Trying to show her, also, that all this is real, he is really alive, really has a body, really is here. ]
At least I didn't make my comeback looking like a tween the way Five did. I am not gonna miss the acne.
[ So Ben tries, in his gentle way, to coax a little laugh or smile from his sister. It had worked so often with Klaus, when things were bleak. Just try to give him one little thing that could hit his funny bone. Humor could get you through a lot of dark shit. ]
no subject
Vanya doesn't like that she has to wait those thoughts out now that she doesn't have her meds.
But the wind doesn't start again, and she doesn't... explode or whatever it is she does. Everything is fine. She wipes at her face to try to clean it up a little, because she doesn't want to be a mess the entire time she's reuniting with her dead brother. Eventually, she pulls one foot up to rest on the bench in front of her and leans her head against her knee. The benefits of being tiny.
When Ben talks again, she rolls her head over to the side and looks up at him. And... she can't help it, she laughs.]
God, poor Five. He's gonna start getting sweaty and hairy in front of our eyes.
[She feels bad about it, but that actually does make her laugh some more.]
So do ghosts... age? I mean, how does it all work? —You don't have to answer that. Sorry.
no subject
He remembers what Five had said before they all made their desperate leap to the past. They were going to do it better, this time. They weren't going to let Vanya down the way they had before. Ben knows they're in another dimension and outside of time and goodness knows if anything here matters or what all of it means, but he's going to start trying now. And that means talking to Vanya a little more like how he talks to Klaus, lately. Less wary, less boundaries, less distance.
So when Vanya jokes lightly at their brother's expense, Ben dissolves into giggles, his eyes bright and delighted. He joins in the game, leaning in, voice becoming a conspiratorial whisper: ]
Think about it - none of us got to see him going through puberty before. Could be a reaaallll horrorshow. I mean can you imagine his voice cracking while he talked? I bet he would flip a table, or like, jump out of the room immediately!
[ Five had always been proud, their whole lives. That wasn't something that the apocalypse had changed about him. And it feels good, to joke about it like this. It reminds Ben, for just an instant, of how the three of them had been before Five vanished. Not friends, exactly, but... closer. Closer to each other than any of them they were with Luther or Allison or Diego, and Klaus was just... an unpredictable outlier.
Her question about aging isn't unexpected, but all Ben can do is answer with a shrug. ]
I... don't think most of them do, but I did. I don't know why. Or how I'm alive now. I can... tell you what it was like, being a ghost, if you want, but I don't know any of the hows, or the whys.