[ Ben had been afraid for Vanya many times. Their father had threatened, once or twice, that if he didn't perform better in his training, that he would bring Vanya in, make her useful finally as a tool to motivate him to learn better control. And there had been other times. Times she had been too close to a mission, or someone had tried to break into the mansion. Later, too, after he was dead, he worried seeing her so depressed, so small. Klaus and Vanya; of all the siblings, they were the two that Ben had worried might really try to kill themselves someday. Lonely as he was, as a ghost, he didn't want that kind of company.
But then, while he is holding her hands, breathing in an even rhythm for her to match, Ben is terrified of Vanya. The rustle of the leaves is frantic and the branches toss this way and that in the wind - the wind that she is making. And it's all so fresh in his mind. Their home crumbling. The theatre, the way the music had leeched all the color out of her. The moon, cracked in two.
Her eyes are closed, though, and even if they weren't, Ben is good at hiding his fear. He swallows it down and stays where he is, tense and numb-fingered but stubborn. He is not going to abandon Vanya. He is not going to repeat Luther's mistakes and let his fear dictate his actions.
And slowly, slowly, the strange whirlwind surrounding them fades. By the time it has settled completely, Ben is feeling calmer, too, though his heart is racing still. ]
I love you, Vanya.
[ He says it without hesitation, or reserve. They are words he had been wishing he could say to her for many years. The fear he had just felt does nothing to diminish the love, either. She is his sister. That means something, to Ben. Always has. ]
I'm not going anywhere. I promise.
[ For a few moments he sits by her in silence, waiting for the his heartbeat to settle, giving Vanya the time she needs to settle her thoughts and adjust to this new reality: Ben, alive. Ben, here with her, having her back. Then, when he thinks it has been silent just about long enough, he says: ]
What do you think of the new me?
[ He gives a tiny gesture to his face, the one she hadn't recognized. Trying to lighten the mood, ever so slightly. Trying to show her, also, that all this is real, he is really alive, really has a body, really is here. ]
At least I didn't make my comeback looking like a tween the way Five did. I am not gonna miss the acne.
[ So Ben tries, in his gentle way, to coax a little laugh or smile from his sister. It had worked so often with Klaus, when things were bleak. Just try to give him one little thing that could hit his funny bone. Humor could get you through a lot of dark shit. ]
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But then, while he is holding her hands, breathing in an even rhythm for her to match, Ben is terrified of Vanya. The rustle of the leaves is frantic and the branches toss this way and that in the wind - the wind that she is making. And it's all so fresh in his mind. Their home crumbling. The theatre, the way the music had leeched all the color out of her. The moon, cracked in two.
Her eyes are closed, though, and even if they weren't, Ben is good at hiding his fear. He swallows it down and stays where he is, tense and numb-fingered but stubborn. He is not going to abandon Vanya. He is not going to repeat Luther's mistakes and let his fear dictate his actions.
And slowly, slowly, the strange whirlwind surrounding them fades. By the time it has settled completely, Ben is feeling calmer, too, though his heart is racing still. ]
I love you, Vanya.
[ He says it without hesitation, or reserve. They are words he had been wishing he could say to her for many years. The fear he had just felt does nothing to diminish the love, either. She is his sister. That means something, to Ben. Always has. ]
I'm not going anywhere. I promise.
[ For a few moments he sits by her in silence, waiting for the his heartbeat to settle, giving Vanya the time she needs to settle her thoughts and adjust to this new reality: Ben, alive. Ben, here with her, having her back. Then, when he thinks it has been silent just about long enough, he says: ]
What do you think of the new me?
[ He gives a tiny gesture to his face, the one she hadn't recognized. Trying to lighten the mood, ever so slightly. Trying to show her, also, that all this is real, he is really alive, really has a body, really is here. ]
At least I didn't make my comeback looking like a tween the way Five did. I am not gonna miss the acne.
[ So Ben tries, in his gentle way, to coax a little laugh or smile from his sister. It had worked so often with Klaus, when things were bleak. Just try to give him one little thing that could hit his funny bone. Humor could get you through a lot of dark shit. ]